My brother just had a birthday.   

 

A big one.  The big 4-0.

It makes me think.

He has been my best friend for most of my life (all but the first year or so!).

The one person who can share almost all of my  memories back through 10 houses, lots of moves, births, marriages and deaths, friends, campouts--and camp songs, embarrassing stories--everything.

When his voice changed, and he learned that he loved to sing, he talked me into singing the high parts on every song with a good bass line (specifically, "Blue Moon"--the Marcels version, and "Under the Boardwalk"and "Elvira", along with a few others) so he could do the "down low parts".  His love of singing and his guitar playing inspired his friends, siblings and cousins, and created quite a few new musicians.

He has always been bold and daring, and ready for new adventures.

He can quote a movie perfectly after watching it once.

He is the world's best dyer of Easter eggs (seriously, he made a plaid egg one year using only standard egg dye and masking tape).
The best perpetrator of clever April Fools pranks.
The best carver of Jack O'lanterns (although his younger brothers are also pretty darn awesome in the "Uncle Arts"!).

He has the most incredibly mobile face--so expressive, so flexible--only Danny Kaye and Donald O'Connor can do it justice.  And--as more than one person who ended up snorting liquid out their nose can attest, an amazing sense of humor, genius level comedic timing, and super expressive eyebrows.

Now there are a lot of miles between us, but I still love him just as much, think about him, quote him and look for things that would make him laugh.

So--little brother,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

TO A GUY WHO IS STILL 
(AS ALWAYS) 
TRULY 
OUTSTANDING IN HIS FIELD!

Whew! What a great week!

The entire month of March was so incredibly busy and booked solid that even though everything was good, it is kind of nice to return to our usual levels of crazy! 

The week before last at Church we had the Relief  Society (Adult Women’s Group) Birthday Dinner, which was very fun.  They had different sisters decorate tables in a seasonal theme—I had a “winter” table.  It was fun to see the different personalities and approaches.  My table did turn out really pretty—I had some sheer fabric in a “watery” print in several shades of blue that I used for a tablecloth, then I cut a giant (3 feet across) snowflake with RS themes—a wheat sheaf up the middle, hearts above that, the ornate “RS” letters  from the symbol, and the upper edge was sisters holding a heart between each of them (just the little paper dollies that  “hold hands”) I put a clear plastic tablecloth over it so it wouldn’t snag, and then a funny little centerpiece.  The evening was super nice.

The chicks are growing fast—not as cute as they used to be!  We have a mix of breeds (we just got the “Brown Egg Layer Assortment”)—I don’t know what kinds the yellow chicks (at least 2 breeds, as they are different shades of yellow!) will be, but I know the little black and yellow, that have a little yellow dot on their head like a fingerprint will grow into “barred” hens—black and white stripes.  Very pretty ladies—I am excited.

The kids had their temple trip and LargeBoy got to go to his first OA Fellowship (Order of the Arrow is the Boy Scout’s Honor Society) WITH Grandpa A.  When my Dad was helping us with the kitchen last year, LargeBoy was going on his first OA Fellowship, and Dad mentioned that he had been in the OA as a youth, and had always meant to get around to being active again.  So, for his birthday, I did the legwork to get the needed forms, and paid for his enrollment, and this was their first activity together. 

I went to an all day New Trustees Seminar for the Library.  It was at a really cool Library, and it was very well done—the speakers were all interesting, and I did learn a lot.  I was debating taking SmallDaughter to see “Veggie-Tales Live” that evening, but she was sick all week, and was still not feeling good enough. 

Sunday was Seminary day, and since LargeCousin was on spring break, she got to come to our Sunday Seminary Class with us, and then have a sleepover.  On Monday, I was supposed to be very busy running lots of errands, but it snowed enough that it basically shut everything down—I was SO grateful!  It gave me time to stay home and clean and get things at least partially ready for all the company! 

BigGirl did have her first 4-H meeting in the evening.  LargeCousin and LargeBoy are not doing 4-H this year, as they have too many other things going on.  I don’t mind—I am really proud of how well they have done in the past, and it is their decision what they want to do with their time and energy.  LargeBoy will be spending most of his time finishing up his Eagle project, besides going to the National Scout Jamboree. 

On Tuesday I took LargeCousin into town in the morning and took my inlaws their Birthday loot and ran some of Monday’s errands.  In the afternoon, BigGirl & I went to Yoga and Herb Class—it was on Native herbs and I was very relieved to find that many of the weeds that I have not gotten rid of are actually very beneficial! 

On Wednesday, Sister A’s family arrived and things started to get busy! In the evening we went in to have dinner with Sister M & Sister A’s families at Dad’s house.

Things really picked up on Thursday.  The guy’s picked up the awesome playset that dad had ordered from Lowes, and they got right to work on it.  I am really glad we got the kit, with all the wood pre cut and drilled, because even with that they still had over 2 full days of work to get it done!  It is AWESOME! And it has all of the features that will be great for SmallDaughter for a long time.  There was a huge bunch of cooking—I still have loads of excellent leftovers!  It was noisy, and chaotic, and FABULOUS! We averaged between 35 and 45 people all weekend long!

On friday, we helped the kids dye 5 dozen hard boiled eggs (and by "helped"--we let all the teenagers and college age awesome people "show them how it's done"!)  We had some awesome eggs!  Friday evening, we got LOTS of pizzas and we set up the projector and watched “The Princess Bride”.  It was so fun!  And—as many times as I have seen parts and bits, I haven’t watched the whole movie for years! My Favorite Gentleman got to come home on Friday, but he threw his neck and back out, and was in a lot of pain the whole weekend!

On Saturday, we had the Easter egg hunt.  It was rather cool and blustery—pretty early for a really warm Easter.  In the evening, Sister M, BigGirl, Aunt A, LargeCousin & I went to watch the Young Women's Broadcast .  It was so excellent.  

On Sunday, we filled the first 4 rows in Sacrament Meeting, and we almost doubled the primary!  We had a big dinner at Dad’s and had not one, but 3 different birthday treats (cheesecake for my awesome Brother, a “cake” made entirely of 3 types of ice-cream and toppings for Sister M, and a  Super rich gluten free chocolate “Ex-Girlfriend” Cake for her hubby—who has his birthday the day before hers!).  Sadly, people started to leave after dinner. 

Monday was nice and mellow.  Sister M got stuff packed up and then we went into town.  SmallDaughter FINALLY got to have her horsie riding—the first 2 classes of the season got cancelled for bad weather!  Youngest Brother took Awesome Brother to the airport on his way home, so we got to see them for a little while, then we just hung out with everybody. Grandpa & Grandma took the boys swimming at the Y, but SmallDaughter wasn’t really feeling good, so we didn’t even try to go.   Dear Auntie and her boys left at about 10 pm, so we came home then too. 

SmallDaughter is on spring break this week, which is good because she has spent the last 2 days laying on the couch with a chest cold and fever.  She is starting to feel better, but she is less than impressed with her mom—I have put an onion poultice on her the last 2 nights.  (everybody asks, so I will tell you:  just cut 2 onions into rings, and slice 4 or 5 cloves of garlic, then smash them with a French knife, so the oils are activated, then put them in a pan with either olive or coconut oil on low heat until they start to clarify—you are NOT trying to cook them, and you don’t want them nicely brown and carmelized.  Then, cool them down till they are a comfortable temperature, and apply a thick layer of Vick’s (and I also use a few drops of Tea Tree oil) to the back and chest and rub them in, then cover the chest and the back with the onions and wrap her up snugly in plastic wrap). 

She was not fond of this the first night—but she REALLY hated it the second night when she knew what was coming!  She said “Owie” “No” and “Hot”—which was funny, since it wasn’t any of those things, but she doesn’t have words for “nasty” “slimy” and “gross”!  It is a very interesting fragrance mix—let me tell you!  But it has really helped clear her up. 

We are recovering nicely from all the fun, and I am trying to catch up on all the jobs My Favorite Gentleman needs me to get done for him!  Tomorrow we are going to buy my hive and beekeeping tools, since the bees will be in sometime in the next two weeks!  Yaaay!  I am super excited for them!  And—in perfect timing, next Friday the Local Beekeepers Association is having a “live bee dump” at their monthly meeting.  They will show us exactly how to “dump” our bees into their new home and get it functioning right! I am glad to have so much help and mentoring!

With all the fun we have been having, we have lots of people we love who are going through hard times, and we are still praying for them.  It is always interesting to see how life is such up and downs!  However—I know that these times with the people we love (as noisy, crazy and hectic as they may be!) are the best memories and the real stuff that life is made of!  I am grateful to have a framework for living, so that when our family gets together, it is pure fun—no fights, no screaming or hitting, just love everywhere you look. 

I just want to share some of my Dad’s take on the week:

One of the most remarkable aspects of the whole weekend to me was "the guys".  We had six adolescent and young single adult males ranging in age from 14 to 28.   Not only were they not lost in their own world or electronic gadgets, they were deeply involved in everything.  (The biggest point of contention was who got to hold the baby).  Their major activity was playing with the rug-rats.  In the disengaged society we live in, I find this truly wonderful.  What great fathers these guys will make.

Busy, busy, busy!

Blogging has gone out the window because I have been so awesomely busy. I spent most of a week working for the Board of Elections, mainly stuffing absentee ballot envelopes. (It wasn't as exciting as it sounds!).

Then, on Thursday we got SmallDaughter off of her school van and drove into town where we rented a car (since I do not trust the green van, and it has been making a suspicious “clonking” noise—more on that later!). We loaded everything into the rental in the pouring rain (the rental was boring, except that it was a “ key-less push button start” which was pretty weird!), and drove over to Pennsylvania (about a 4 hour drive), where My Favorite Gentleman has been working for several months.

We got to stay at his motel with him, where SmallDaughter had a GREAT time, because they had a pool—perfect for her, only 3 feet deep all the way around. We had breakfast (also perfect for her, scrambled eggs, sausage, hash-browns and toast—she ate every morsel, and scrounged bites from the rest of us!) BigGirl and LargeBoy really liked that the diner in the motel (where we had breakfast) had a jukebox (3 songs for $1), so we ate to the strains of “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”, “Sultans of Swing”, and “Duke of Earl”. Then we went to run errands, and when we came back SmallDaughter swam for 4 hours. I did My Favorite Gentleman’s laundry. After we got some lunch, she went swimming again!

After My Favorite Gentleman got off work, we drove for an hour to the cute town where my dear Aunts live, and went to our Family Reunion. It was really fun to see and spend time with so many Anderson Cousins.

On Saturday, the whole group of us went to “Living Treasures Animal Park” which is a nifty cross between a petting zoo and a zoo. You can feed almost all of the animals, and you are close up and personal (and it is clean and well designed, too!). Because we took The WonderDog, all of the big predators came REALLY close to the glass to check us out! Literally “Lions (a male and a female), Tigers (an orange and a white) and Bears (just one, but he was big!), OH MY”!. Also, alligators, boa constrictors, llamas, camels, ostriches, goats, ponies and lots of different monkeys. And what was the scariest? The peacocks (of course!).

Afterwards, various other grownup types stayed with the little kids, and the other adults went to a State Park to see the historic mill and do some hiking. It also happened to be the Heritage Festival, so we got to go on a hayride, (with Abraham Lincoln!), visit with reenactors, see (and hear!) the cannons, etc!

On Monday night, my sister M and her hubs (with the 3 cutest little boys) drove in from NY, and we had a fun day on Tuesday (mostly cleaning and getting things ready, with some YouTube mixed in!). My sister A and her hubs and 4 cutest little girls got here around 6ish, just as we were leaving for the park. It was a truly perfect evening. The leaves are all turning beautifully, but it wasn’t too cold, we had the entire playground to ourselves and all the cousins (and dads!) had a riot!

On Thursday, I took the big girls on the “Metro Amish Country Fieldtrip”. We went to Planktown Hardware, which is the store that sells all of the lotion & soap making supplies. I bought: cocoa butter (yum!), coconut oil, kaolin, essential oils, and deodorant tubes and I am going to try making my own deodorant. Then we went to Planktown Market, and got nice bulk type things, and then to Country Fabrics, which is always fun!

We got back about the same time Friend Lisa showed up with her 2 boys, and shortly after that Friend Vanessa and her 2 girls arrived! We played for a little while, then loaded everybody up, and took them to ride the carousel. SmallDaughter was in heaven! She rode a bunny and a kitty, but we got there just before closing, so they only had time for 2 rides!

Next we went to the Harvest Festival that they had at the Assisted Living Facility where our sister V was dancing. She is always a hoot to watch. It was a perfect festival—very low key and mellow, totally handicap accessible, and nothing scary for the little kids. SmallDaughter really liked the maze, petting 2 alpacas and the cake walk. The bigger kids liked the giant rubber band catapult to shoot apples at targets!

After the sun started to go down, we went over to dear Aunt A’s and celebrated my nephew’s 5th birthday. We made a super cute cake, with cookie crumb “dirt”, and sister M found such a clever technique—we printed out a picture of a dinosaur skeleton, put it in a protector page, then traced it with melted white chocolate. After it set up, we just popped it on top—and it looked amazing! (We broke it into pieces to look more "fossil-like").

End of the first round of visits!

Here's what summer looks like at our house:

filled with food, and kittens and small children!

(This is the kitten deprivation face!) TRAGEDY!

Also, in major happenings: LargeBoy got his hair cut!

Before:

After:

All the cousins we had at our house this weekend:

(It was MUCH harder than you would think to get this picture taken!)

Some people are better at "helping themselves" than others!

It was a great week--I am so blessed!

The blessings of family

I have been sorting through boxes of old family photos. It has been so much fun! I have such a great family, and such a legacy of love. It is also really fun to mock the fashions my cousins (and I!) wore! I am so sad that we will not be able to attend our family reunion this year. It is hard to explain to people who didn't grow up the way I did. I am the luckiest person in the world!

Day 3--My First Love

It is pretty hard to narrow down my first love. Seriously--I was the girl who was ALWAYS crushing on (multiple) guys. I remember having a couple of crushes before I started kindergarten!

There were the small, ongoing crushes--my handsome older cousins (and let me tell you, I am not the only person who thought those guys were extraordinarily good looking, or who had crushes on them!)--some of the guys in my class at school (*sigh* Dwight, *sigh* Jared...), etc.

There were big, painful teenage crushes. 'Nuff said.

I had some dear friend-guys and a couple of "almost boyfriends" in college. However, I really did marry my first true love.

Date Night!

Just got back from a hot date with my honey. It was actually a lot of fun--we went to see "Sherlock Holmes,Game of Shadows" at the dollar theater (where we always go to the early show, because we can't stay awake for the normal showing--to say nothing of the late show!), got Shamrock Shakes at MickeyD's (which I had never had before, but I never turn down ice cream!) and checked out the eyecandy at the junk yard, (truly, I was able to keep the drool under control!) while he got a new radiator fan to finish repairing poor green van that I hit the deer with. It was very nice, and now I am off to bed!

As a little PS--I was so proud that I found homes for the 3 kittens dear hubs brought home last spring--but two of them have come back to us, and one (who shall remain nameless, but is the only female, and who is currently going by the name "Hussy" is definitely preggers, so we have new kitties on the way. Which I am mostly excited about, because I do love kittens. But, boy do we have a lot of cats here!

Also--just so you are jealous: while we were gone, not only did the big kids do a great job taking care of SmallDaughter, but LargeBoy cooked a nice spaghetti dinner (it's his week to cook dinner) and also made some really good cookies! While I occasionally miss their tiny little cuteness, I do like the cool people they are turning into.

Even when it's weird.

re: weird--on Monday, LargeBoy declared it was "Mickey Monday" and spent the whole day talking in his newly discovered Mickey Mouse voice. yeah.
On Tuesday, since his wild and curly hair is getting so huge it is taking on a life of it's own--he found out he could put matchsticks in it--and not only will they stay, you can't see them! His record was 57.

WOOT!

I am so SUPER PROUD of my "little" sisters! They both decided what they wanted to do with their lives--what would give them deep soul joy, every day, and they went back to school and worked very hard (while taking care of many little children, hubby, church responsibilities, social lives, etc.) and last week THEY GRADUATED! WITH HONORS!





This is the first official graduation either of them have had, since they both chose to be entirely schooled at home. I have known the painful lesson of the oldest child for many years--everything I did right, my younger siblings took, and improved upon. (It is like having the gold medal from the 1920 Olympics--yeah, that record has been obliterated since then!) They are much better than I am, and I love to see how wonderfully they have turned out.

WooHoo!--Now with pictures!

I haven't been able to post for two reasons: 1) I have been attempting to dig out of the more chaotic than usual chaos that the kitchen rebuild created, to get ready for a Halloween party here, which leads to 2) I didn't want to leak the surprise that we had in the works--a surprise for my dad who faithfully reads this blog!

For a couple of months we sisters have been planning for SisterM & HubbyO to come from the Bronx with their cutie boys, and for SisterA & HubbyA (and SisterR!) to come from Indianapolis with their cutie girls, and have a great Halloween party at my house. And the sneaky bit--we didn't tell Grandpa they were coming, we just set it up so that he would be in charge of handing out the candy, and every one of the Trick-or-Treaters who showed up would be his grandkids (or kids).

Everything was going great. The plans were in place, Grandma had been enlisted to get him here on time--and to give us a heads up when they left, so we could get everybody stashed at the other location (so they would be able to surprise him).
The boys who couldn't be here (BrotherN & WifeS in California, BrotherB & WifeM in Pennsylvania, BrotherE in Utah and BrotherR in Virginia) were scheduled to Skype or call during the party. We were very excited to have more than half of the family together--5 out of nine siblings!

M&O were scheduled to arrive around midnight on Fri, so BigGirl and I were staying up to finish the cleaning. I was so tired that I was just about to take a little nap on the couch, when headlights pulled in, so we ran out to see the cutie babies--except there were no babies--just awesome BrotherR, and his good friend S, who had made the 9 hour drive from Virginia! Much happy shrieking happened at that point!

Shortly thereafter, there were more headlights and sure enough, it WAS the cutie babies, with their cute mommy & daddy AND BrotherE! They had picked him up from the airport as the ultimate surprise! WOOT!!!



In total, we ended up with 7 out of the 9 siblings! And it was (as always!) hilarious! Didn't get to bed until 2:00am. Worth it.

On Friday, we got ready for the party, and had actual (technically unrelated, but well loved) party guests here, when finally it was time for the surprise part. We sent everybody "unexpected" down the block to the library, where they got into their costumes, and waited for the signal. We decided that they would arrive in "order of unexpectedness".



IT WAS AWESOME!






"Do my eyes deceive me? Can it really be?"




Yes--it really is!

My favorite part (besides the look on Grandpa's face!), was the fact that he didn't seem to catch the pattern--that every single one of the Trick-or-Treaters who showed up were his progeny! It was classic!

After the surprising part, we had a massive pumpkin carving festival, played some awesome games, and talked and laughed until 2:00am. Worth it.




(this kind of nonsense is what happens when you let the uncles loose with the pumpkins!)


Grandpa prepares to show the young'uns "how it's done!"




In Church yesterday, our family took up the first 3 rows in the Chapel. The Bishop announced that all the Anderson's were officially welcome to move back--it was great! After Church, we had a Soup and Bread (and Chili & Baked Potato) supper together before people had to leave.

I am so grateful for a family that I don't just love--I like--thoroughly enjoy them! We have so much fun together--and we always have. The blessings of the gospel radiate through our lives, making everything so much better, and I am (possibly) the most blessed person on earth.

Quiet Men

Standing at the front of the front of the congregation, singing in the choir on Sunday, I saw something so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. In the back of the chapel, I saw a Sister sitting with a Handsome Young Man, who had his arm around her as they listened to Christmas Carols.

Now, this sister, to paraphrase the Bible "hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see (her), there is no beauty that we should desire (her)". Certainly Abercrombie & Fitch and The Gap aren't pounding down her door with modeling contracts. Physically she is small, and has obviously had a hard life--physically and emotionally. She has been a widow for 25 years, and struggled as a single mother to raise her two children. She succeeded--amazingly well. They are now strong, intelligent, caring adults who benefit their communities and the world. But, she is home alone.

She is never at the front, in the spotlight or looking for attention. While others perform at the Ward Talent Show--she is in the kitchen, making sure the desserts are sliced, that every casserole has a serving spoon and that all the dishes get washed up and put away afterwards. She is easy to miss, if you aren't looking for her.

So, when I saw her in the loving embrace of a good man, 30 years younger than she is--my heart melted. Because he is the fiance of her daughter, who was singing in the choir. And he loves her. Because he recognizes that most of the wonderful traits in the fabulous woman that he will marry in two months, were given, taught and trained by this quiet, humble lady, and he loves her for those gifts.

Our society, which adores the loud and self promoting, overlooks men who are quiet. My dad is a quiet man. He hates confrontation, he hates raised voices. A lot of people who saw my parents together assumed that my mom "wore the pants" in the family, because she was much louder and outgoing than my dad. They were wrong. In a quiet, loving way, he led us by example.

I hear women talk about how "all men are jerks" or "all the good men have been taken". Well, girls there are several reasons for that: The good men are busy doing good things--quietly. They aren't tooting their own horns and talking about how great they are. They just roll up their sleeves and get the job done. AND if you are looking for a good man--don't look at the singles bar--because the guys who are there are not the ones you want. Also, men live up to what we tell them. Once, my wise mother told me that small children obey everything you tell them--so if you tell them they are brats, or little terrors, or "Just like your lazy father"...they will be. Men, too live up to the messages they hear from us.

There are LOTS of good men out there. I am privileged to know some of them. And I want to tell them thanks. Thanks for quietly being "real men"--who take care of their responsibilities, their families, their friends, and our world. Who stand up for what is good and important in our culture, and--if it was required, would lay down their lives for it.

I have no words to express how grateful I am.

Food For Thought

This morning was hard.

Sometimes being SmallDaughter's Mommy feels like more work than any one person can do.

Yesterday was very long. We drove about and hour and a half to see her doctor (which went very well.) She was very good for her blood draw--although she did start signing "owie" when we walked into the lab.

She has a very good memory. She always makes her many doctors laugh--she knows exactly what to do with a stethoscope, a reflex hammer and an otoscope. She has to have a checkup and a blood test every 3 months to make sure her meds are not damaging her liver.

After that, we had a delightful time getting lost (I am not being sarcastic--the weather was lovely, we were in a beautiful part of town, we were playing fun games and when we found a place to turn around--it happened to be a McDonald's so I got SmallDaughter some apple dippers and the rest of us parfaits to keep us happy. Good thing, too--it took us another hour to find where we were supposed to be, and to locate someplace we could get some "real lunch". Fortunately we had plenty of time before our next appointment, which was:

Getting the WonderDog's eyes checked.

Seriously. I didn't even know Veterinary Ophthalmologists existed! However, the national group of Veterinary Ophthalmologists offer free eye exams for Service Dogs once a year! Very Cool! WonderDog's eyes look healthy and wise (as always) and the folks there were very nice.

However, we had a very bad night.
I had so much I had to do--(I am preparing for our Ward's "Art & Dessert Open House" this Friday--which I am in charge of, and have a TON to get done) so I was up past my bedtime--until 11:00 to be exact. Yes, I know that doesn't seem horribly late, but my alarm goes off at 4:40 am, and we all know how I am about needing my sleep, so trust me--that is late.

But as I stepped out of the bathroom from brushing my teeth, LargeBoy informed me that SmallDaughter was not only awake, but that she got out of her room and was downstairs. This is not good.

Once she is up, she is UP. There is no gently tucking her back in and having her drift back to dreamland. So, I changed her diaper (which was probably what woke her up), gave her another melatonin, and snuggled on the couch for a little while. We walked outside to look at the stars, and then we went up to my room for a snuggle.

It was now 12:30. Having her in the bed with me is like trying to snuggle a ball of eels (that smell faintly like pee). She eventually climbed out of bed, and being thwarted by my having locked the bolt on the door (too high for her to reach) and unscrewed the light bulb in the lamp (so she couldn't turn it back on), she lay down on the WonderDog, and was quite noisily angry for a long time. Sometime around 2:00am she fell asleep.

This morning, of course, she was tired and grumpy. And so was I. She was picking her skin worse than usual--it is definitely worse when she is angry, frustrated or bored. I was attempting to get bandaids taped into place before she could peel them off and lick the gaping wound ("how are they supposed to heal if you keep doing that?!!!") and she got the left hand bandaid off 4 times before I could get the tape on over it!

All this while she was screaming, wiggling, spitting and pinching me.

My frustration runneth over.

Finally I got her loaded on the school van (I could hear her shrieking until they were past my neighbors house!). Sigh. Often she has a much better day once she gets to school. I hope so. Big Sigh.

However, I came in to the computer to check my email, and found this article in Meridian Magazine that totally resonated with me.

Then I checked the blogs I follow, and found this video, which reduced me to tears, mostly in gratitude for the blessings that I have been given so abundantly.

Once, when I had been describing some of the details of living with SmallDaughter, someone asked "but what makes it worth doing, if it is that hard?"--and here is my answer:



Once again, I am reminded of how much Heavenly Father loves "even the least of these".

What do you call someone who contributes nothing material, who consumes without replacing, who cannot express their thoughts, or hopes, or fears, or what hurts them in the night?

A blessing.

Becoming the wife I really want to be

I have spent a lot of time lately pondering on several related themes. Happiness and unhappiness (in life, and specifically in marriage), selfishness/selflessness, dominance and submission (not in any kinky or sexual meaning*).

And how many of the commandments our loving Heavenly Father gives us feel wrong and backwards to us (in our mortal state).

“I don’t feel loving”
—Do it anyway.

“He isn’t serving me—in fact, he is completely unworthy of my love”
—Love him and honor him anyway.

“Nobody will know what websites I look at”
—Be pure anyway.

“They started it!”
—Pray for them anyway.


We as wives have to realize that while we may be “right”—the battle is not actually worth the price we will pay to “win”. It is NOT better to be right and alone than to set aside the issue and show your love to someone else. The opposite of “being right” is NOT always “being wrong”.

A prime analogy could be my friends’ fence. My good friends “Tim” and “Jane” live in a house with a shared driveway. The people they share it with (whom we will call “Bubba Joe” and “Loretta Sue” haven’t made many wise decisions in their lives. They frequently make choices that drive Tim and Jane CRAZY. (Actually I am waiting for them to show up on Jerry Springer—that is the level of wrong choices I am talking about!) These aren’t the next door neighbors you want.

A few years ago Bubba Joe and Loretta Sue decided they wanted to put up a fence and--without discussing it with Tim and Jane--sunk the fence posts. Unfortunately, they put them up on Tim & Jane’s property.

My first thought was to “accidentally” back the big 4 wheel drive pickup into the front fencepost, then make sure a loop of fence wire was firmly “caught” around the pickups hitch, and pull forward quickly, (incidentally yanking out the whole fence). Problem Solved!

Until Bubba Joe, (in his now fully justified wrath) retaliated. Then, in a matter of weeks we could go straight to the Hatfields and the McCoys.

Fortunately for everyone, cooler heads than mine prevailed, and Tim and Jane decided it was “just a fence” and not worth the battle. It isn’t a very good fence, and I am guessing (now that a few years have gone by)—that it won’t last for much longer.

Wives especially are bad about “scorekeeping”:—“well, HE didn’t take out the trash, so I am not going to do the dishes”. What a great way to make sure everybody LOSES. She is hostile and grouchy, and he is unloved and put upon. It is a choice that we make every day—do we focus on the good or the bad?

My sweet husband leaves for work at 4:00am on Monday morning. He is usually very good about hauling the dumpster out to the road for it’s Monday morning pickup, but he isn’t around to haul the (now empty) dumpster back in. I can choose to:

A) leave it out by the curb until “he does his job”—which will be Thursday evening at the very earliest—meaning I have been without it all week.

B) Put on my best martyr attitude and haul it in, muttering the whole time about how “I have to do EVERYTHING around here” (completely ignoring the fact that he just left for work—to support ME, at 4 freakin’ o’clock in the morning—and that he will continue to work his cute little butt off FOR ME.)

C) Cheerfully bring the dumpster back in, feeling grateful that I only have to bring it in when it is empty and light, and that I HAVE a nice, rolling trash dumpster (which I actually LOVE!), and feeling his love for me that he expressed by taking it out in the first place.


In the last little while I have watched several seemingly strong marriages (of good people) dissolve into seething messes of throbbing pain, recriminations and vitriolic spite. The one thing that all of them had in common was that one (or both) of them got caught up in the “selfishness vortex”. They cannot see how each selfish choice feeds the selfishness beast, and that instead of pacifying it, they make it stronger. Each choice of “me first”,"my wants", “my needs”, “but what about ME?” blinds them to the love they have been freely given, and the pain they cause to those around them.

I have been reading “Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious” by Debi Pearl. She is a fundamentalist Christian, and, while I don't agree with all of her theology, and I really disagree with the way she phrases some of her points, I think the principles she teaches are sound, and I know for myself that they work.

This is not an easy book. It is easy to feel attacked and defensive while you read it. I think that means it is hitting home, and we need to carefully focus on doing the things we are most defensive about.

When I look around at our society, I see LOTS of unhappy people, in less than ideal relationships. Broken, dysfunctional families. Women who are hostile and nasty to their husbands, and who feel lonely and taken for granted. Men who feel disrespected and unloved. Children who don’t know the comfort of knowing that their parents love them and each other.

One of the best things my wise mother taught me about making decisions is to look at the end result. Ask yourself “ What would happen if everyone made this choice?” “ What would happen to them, to their relationships, to society as a whole?”

Maybe the things society teaches are wrong. Maybe, doing exactly the opposite of that we are told really is the way to happiness.

When my sweet LargeBoy was still a small boy, he went through a phase of not wanting to go to bed, and of waking up in the night, and not being able to go back to sleep. (He has always been a very light sleeper and easily awakened). Unfortunately, I was horrifically sleep deprived and exhausted, and having him come get me to put him back to bed did not go down well. The nightly battles escalated to included shrieking and kicking walls (him), threats and spankings (me) and crying and screaming (both of us).

When my pride finally allowed me to pray and ask for help, the simple answer was "a soft answer turneth away wrath". The more I nagged, bossed and bullied, the more stubbornly he dug in. When I finally gave up on "winning" and instead focused on talking to him about how I loved him, what he had done that day, and interesting things he had seen, sleep came quickly and he learned how to put himself back to sleep.

A true example of "surrendering to win".

Maybe, just maybe, the promises the Lord made is true and “So the last shall be first, and the first last," and that the real way to win and find true happiness is in loving surrender and putting other people’s happiness before your own.

He hasn’t lied yet.



*You DO NOT want to get me started on my rant about words that have been hijacked—besides “dominance” and “submission”, I really miss the old meaning of the word “gay”—“happy” and “cheerful” ARE NOT the same.

Another List

Here we come! Zooming into Monday, full of stuff to do, people to call, ...more stuff to do! I really am busy this week, I am in the final stages of getting ready for the "Community Preparedness Fair" our ward is putting on (and I am the Activities Chairperson, so I am in charge). I really hope it turns out as well as I envision!

Anyway, this list is love songs for people who have some practice at loving each other! There are lots of "first love" songs, but these are for people who know the good thing they have, and are committed to making it even better.

Relaxing Classical

Here is something for your Sabbath. May your week be blessed, and filled with peace, love, joy and light.

I hope mine is, too--it is shaping up to be pretty hairy, so I need to remember to focus on the little beauties around me--like breathing, and smelling how wondeful it smells outside and how good my fresh homemade bread tastes--and how loved I am.

Wistful

I am really missing my brothers. They live far, far away (because of meager excuses like living where the US Air Force says they have to or attending college. Huh.). I am proud of them. I appreciate their service. I am impressed by the men they have grown into.


I miss them.




I miss their sense of humor(s). They are, collectively the funniest people I have ever known (and I include some professional commedians in that group). They are milk snortingly, side-splittingly, achingly funny. All of them. They are each different, but each hysterical. I miss that.



I miss their creativity. If you want the best easter-eggs or most creative jack-o-lanterns in the world--these are the guys you want. For story telling, magic tricks,the best birthday parties or guitar sing alongs--they are the guys. Sigh.




I miss the shared memories we have. Two of them are (for all practical purposes) the closest in age to me in the family. We (of course!) lived through some chunks of family history that either the others didn't, or that they were just to small to remember adequately. I just wish I had someone to reminisce with about those things--the dirt hills, Jerry-Don, The Log, the best sledding hill in the world, walking to the river to go fishing (pointlessly). Using the windows in the Wilford house as our own private doorways.



I miss their hands on practicality. They built an awesome clubhouse when they were under 12 years old (2 rooms, windows & a trapdoor--and full platform roof that was used as extra rooms). They could make whatever device was needed at the time, including a mechanism to shut out the light from across the room without getting out of bed (it involved fishing line, weights & pulleys, I recall).



I wish that my kids could have them as close by, hands on uncles. There are so many awesome uncle-y skills they have, that I (as a supremely uncool mother) lack. The words to all of those scout camp songs. All of the skits. Whittling skills. Stories of hiking through the Teton Peaks, of dancing in a Koshare Indian Dance troupe, of fencing (both kinds!). How to fix a bike--or fine tune it. How to play the guitar.




I miss their kids and their wives.

I am grateful for living in a time of easy communication, but that doesn't change the fact that I miss them.

My Birthday

I had such an awesome birthday! I really can’t even express how great it was! It began with 8 solid hours of sleep—an almost unheard of rarity in my sleep-starved life! I had lots of birthday wishes from friends, acquaintances and various-people-who-love-me. That was great, and I am so incredibly grateful for it. It is nice to know I am loved (and not forgotten!!)

My charming son LargeBoy and his bestest friend made me THE BEST CAKE I HAVE EVER EATEN. From scratch. Chocolate with chocolate frosting (also from scratch, my own recipe—involving both butter AND cream cheese and 4 kinds of chocolate. Perfection. If you stop at stage 2 you can make it into Truffles (we did), and then if you go on, it turns into fabbity-fab-fab-fab frosting!). MMMMH. Yum.

I went out to lunch and running errands with dear friend K—yummy, yummy Mexican food. (She also gave me a cherry cheesecake—which I nobly shared with her). I ordered pizza for dinner (which contained the MAGIC INGREDIENT-- “I didn’t have to cook it!”) I haven’t had ordered pizza in a couple of months, so I really enjoyed it—plus I got the toppings I wanted instead of what makes everybody else happy! (It was my birthday, right!). Nobody seemed to mind--it all got eaten!

Best of all, my hubby came home! He is working out of state, so he leaves at about 3:30 Monday morning and returns days later (which day depends on the weather!)

I got some great gifts—a package arrived in the mail with a lovely selection of small (great for my purse!) Bath & Body Works yummy stuff in a great scent (food scents are my very fav—not big on floral!) AND a Reading Woman Calendar. While we were out shopping Best Friend K got me a new phone (because she has said LOTS of bad words about my old phone, which was actually HER old phone that was still better than the one it had replaced!). Sweet LargeGirl got me some adorable, sparkly earrings (I always love new earrings!). And Hubby gave me more B&BW lotion—because he knows I love it so!

We also went on a great date, to our favorite restaurant. We thought about going to a movie, but the only ones I wanted to see were at the “El Expensivo” theater, so we just came home and spent time together. I am reading his Christmas book aloud to him—Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson. A truly excellent book (the first of a trilogy). After listening to last week’s reading-aloud, while he was gone LargeGirl swiped it and finished it in a few days. She is now on the second one, going gang-busters!

I have realized that gift giving is one of my “love languages”. I love to find the perfect gift for someone else, and I love to receive gifts, too. I must not be maturing, because many women my age freak out about birthdays, but I still love them!

My birthday--full of love, thoughtful gifts, friends and yummy food. I am possibly the luckiest woman in the world!

Goodbye, Cookie Grandma

It seems very strange to think of the world without my Grammy in it. I have had plenty of losses in my life--people I love, people who have been tremendously important in my life, but thinking of the world without Grandma Nelson is more like trying to think of the world without oceans, or without the color red. Much too big to comprehend.


Joyce Nelson Furniss, Oct 18th 1920--Dec 31st 2009.
Such a lot of lives are contained within that sentence. Joyce was the exact middle child--three older brothers, three younger brothers. She became the mother of 10 children, 9 of whom lived to maturity. All of them married nice people, and had some lovely children--a total of 45. FORTY-FIVE grandchildren.

Yes, she knew all their names. And middle names. And birthdays, and favorite stuff, and secrets, and how to kiss their owies better, and much, much more!


I am one of the older grandchildren. Actually, I am more of the "second wave". I wasn't old enough to be one of the "big cousins" for a very long time! My oldest cousin, Mike, is six months older than my youngest Aunt, Shanan (this happens surprisingly often in big families). They are about 8 years older than I am, which is a pretty hefty lead in the "being a big kid" stakes--although nothing like the lead I have on the youngest cousin Issac, who was born when I was 27.


The big cousins were remarkably slow on the "settling down and getting married" front, which means that my oldest child (BigGirl) is one of the oldest of the great-grandkids. In fact, they were so slow, that the last of them got married (for the first time) in 2009--and had his 40th birthday on his honeymoon.



However, Grammy FINALLY got some great-grandchildren. And, like compound interest, a little trickle at the beginning has turned into quite the tidal wave. 65 great grandchildren (more or less, I could have missed a couple!) With at least 3 more on the way, due this year.


Grammy spent her last week the way she preferred to spend all of her time--surrounded by family and lots of babies and toddlers. I am sure she sang them the "Grey Kitty Song" and I am jealous of that. Maybe they even got "Keemo-Keimo-Daimey-Wah"--lucky little skunks!




Grammy was one of the most truly selfless people in the world. We all learned great lessons about true love and service from her example. Even when we were terrible-two-year-olds or truly aweful fourteen year olds, we knew we were loved, completely and utterly by our Grammy--no conditions, no questions asked.






A great example of how to be a strong, loving, competent woman!