My Reindeer Flies Sideways

We are sneaking up on graduation season again. Since I was raised in an unschooling family, I was spared a whole bunch of really boring graduation ceremonies. I have still attended more than my fair share for the MANY aunts, uncles, cousins and friends that populate my life. Out of the many, only one was really exciting and different--that was the graduation for GED students, many of whom were MUCH older and more experienced than the average callow High School Graduate, and most of whom had worked REALLY hard to get to that point. They really appreciated what they had worked for--and it showed!

But mostly graduations are the same old, same old. However, just like in almost every other area in my life, I just don't do graduations the way most people do. The very best reason, is a specific set of song lyrics.

They are a parody, set to the tune of Elgar's "Pomp & Circumstance"--what is commonly referred to as "The Graduation March". I learned LOTS of parodies as a child--many to popular classical tunes. Most of them came thanks to a certain uncle and aunt of mine (and they know who they are!)

So, as a very young child, I learned words(!) to Pomp & Circumstance--

My reindeer flies sideways, he is better than yours.
My reindeer can cha-cha, he can open doors.

My reindeer’s a girl scout; he can dig a latrine,
Your reindeer likes purple, my reindeer likes green.

Your reindeer is far away, my reindeer is near.

I would love to give credit for these brilliant lyrics, but alas, I have no idea who their author is. If you start humming the Da,da,da,da,daah, da, of the graduation march, you will see how perfectly they fit.

It was a favorite song, and spent a lot of time on my, and my siblings "personal hit parade", being belted out in enthusiastic and off key tones.

One of the more humorous outcomes of this is that at different times, in different years, not one, but two of my unschooled siblings attended a friends graduation ceremony, and came home to announce in tones of shock and horror that the Graduation March they used was "My Reindeer Flies Sideways"!!!!

Now, my own brilliant children (on a long car drive) made up additional verses! So, for all of you who have a graduation or two looming on your horizon--Quick! Memorize these! You will be stunned by the difference it makes (or doesn't make) in the interminable ceremonies!

My reindeer cuts firewood; he can dance in ballet,
My reindeer is awesome, he can cook a soufflé.

My reindeer is perfect; he will look at the stars
Your reindeer is trouble; he will steal your cigars.

My reindeer flies backwards, he can knit and crochet.

My reindeer drives semi’s, he has wrestled a shark,
Your reindeer eats donuts, mine can parallel park.

My reindeer paints portraits, he can play the trombone,
My reindeer likes softball, he can dial the phone.

Your reindeer is stupid, my reindeer is smart.

Enjoy.